Blog Archives

…use your best judgment

Jury duty–a citizen’s duty and burden, and now you can’t even tweet about it. The judges said so.

You may wonder what ignoramus thought tweeting about the trial they were serving on a jury for in the past.

You can’t listen to the radio, watch television, or talk to anyone about this trial but by all means please update your Facebook status accordingly. We’d hate for your “friends” to miss out on the excitement of you civic duty.

Yes, it sounds moronic in print, all I can say is it’s happened enough to be added to the list of federal rules for jurors.

For those of you who need specific instruction in order to have the common sense to use your common sense, which is apparently a lot of you, these rules also outlaw Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, Instagram, and any other similar social platforms.

(face palm)

If a juror sees one of their fellow jurors breaking this rule they’re bound to tattle on them, and expected to.

Now don’t we all feel juvenile? Just remember-pay attention and follow the rules, or next time they’re taking away the phone privileges altogether. Alright young lady/man?

“New Federal Jury Instructions Explicit: No Facebook, No Twitter”: MSNBC

…bi-daily smile…


…mind your status

To anyone who accessed this page via Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media site, Monday through Friday during regular business hours, I have good news.  You can’t be federally prosecuted!

You have precedence.  A federal  court deemed it not a violation of the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act (CFAA).  Yay!!!

This new precedent overturned a previous precedent (making you question the value of a precedent), so just be glad you’re not being cuffed for that 9:55 status update.  Were you ” :-/ bored…”?  Were you?  Are you ” :-/ bored…” now?!?!?

Luckily, in this case a recognition of human nature prevailed.  The court (San Francisco’s Ninth Circuit) acknowledged that if it wasn’t social media it would probably be something else.  Basically they called all of us giant procrastinators.  I would be offended, but I’ve checked my e-mail three times while writing this blog post.

So enjoy your freedom to browse social media on your employer’s dime.  Surf to your heart’s content without fear of federal action.  I should warn you though, you can probably still be fired… Freedom!!!


“Court: Facebooking at Work is not a Federal Crime–Even When Forbidden: MSNBC

…bi-daily smile…

…take a second look

Oh the fashion trend.  Who knows when or where it will strike next.  It’s an allusive and unpredictable thing.  One minute it’s high schools full of scarves, next minute it’s courtrooms full of non-prescription hipster glasses.

There’s the end of that fad…it’s time to move on hipsters.

Did you know glasses make you look more intelligent?  So do criminal defendants and their lawyers.

Of course I’m sure this costume choice is in addition to a rock-solid case, supported by mounds of evidence and a strong desire for justice to prevail.

Apparently the elevated appearance of intelligence makes the wearer appear less intimidating.  Because what is less intimidating than intelligence?

I for one am crushed to find out in this manner that my attempt to look intimidatingly brilliant (and correct my nearsightedness), has been doing just the opposite (except for on the nearsightedness).

I shall have to work on a new plot to strike intelligence-adjacent fear into the hearts of all whom I encounter.  I suppose I could wear my glasses and carry an alarmingly tall stack of books or use only really long words.

I don’t want to take it too far.  It’s important to find that balance between evil genius and book-worm.


“‘Hipster Glasses Might Get You off the Hook in Court”: TIME

…bi-daily smile…