The world record for number of imaginations crushed at one time was set this week as the U.S. National Ocean Service made an official statement regarding the existence of mermaids. The aptly named NOS has now officially denied the existence of mermaids.
Do you hear that? Is it the ocean? No, it’s the sound of millions of little girls (and boys), and formerly little girls (and boys) singing “Part of Your World” through their sobs. That, and several million conspiracy theorists saying something cynical, but we don’t care about them.
This is their fault too. NOS did not make some solid discovery this week that forever sealed the never-was fate of this mythical creature, thus prompting them to make an official statement, thus pushing them to forever condemn these sea-people to their present status of non-existence. No. They were pushed, by viewers of Animal Planet’s: Monster Week, and more specifically their special: Mermaids: the Body Found.
Apparently some of the depictions of mermaids were so real that viewers felt compelled to seek government advice on the matter. Remember the good old days when people looked for mermaids by going to the ocean not by sending e-mails to government-run organizations. Lazy and crazy, not a good combination.
Regardless, I think we know who really is to blame here. Animal Planet, how could you?
“U.S. Government Confirms: There Are No Mermaids”: TIME