Well, I got nothin’. Thanks Mayans. For three and a half glorious years, we built towards the grand finale.
We covered global warming, we gave our spin on politics, we kept you up to date on the latest achievements of sports’ greatest franchise, and we even occasionally covered a serious topic or two. Read the rest of this entry
The end of days. It’s a confusing and terrifying thought, and it seems everyone has something to say about it–evangelicals, ancient civilizations, R.E.M.
Because, who doesn’t like inciting panic with calculations and doomsday prophesies?
Now NASA is using their free time to throw their hat, or perhaps a space helmet left over from the space shuttle program, into the apocalyptic ring.
Now before I tell you, remember it’s important to remain calm. NASA simply wants us to know that the world will not be ending next year. At least not from being swallowed up by a solar flare.
It’s not physically possible. The sun does not possess enough energy to reach us.
Whew, that’s a load off of my shoulders. Of course, there are still plenty of other ways humanity could meet it’s doom–global warming, resulting floods, zombie apocalypse (it’s coming).
Not to mention that if the wrath of the gods happens to inspire the sun to flare up and engulf Earth in a fiery blaze of glory, that’s another story. Until then rest assured that if that does happen, it’s a mathematical impossibility. It’ll give you something to marvel at as you’re being barbecued.
In the meantime, how about we see how this plays out. Who knows?
“NASA: World Won’t End Next Year”: USA Today
which has nothing to do with the end of the world, for the record…
In a world of distractions, it seems almost everyone needs a little help winding down at the end of the day.
Lucky for us, the sound machine is there to help us nod off. But what sounds do most of us prefer?
Chirping crickets, rolling waves, and gentle breezes all sound lovely and serene, but according to a recent study, one in five adults found the sound of monkeys (and other jungle creatures) the most helpful when drifting off to sleep.
…and that’s just how they want it.
Sure, it’ll start out innocently enough, listening to the sounds of cute little monkey’s to help you catch some Zzz’s.
It is admittedly more exciting than counting sheep.
Next thing you know you’re drifting off at the ape house…understandable.
Then one day you wake up from your peaceful slumber to find yourself living in a world where apes and primates rule over the whole of humanity…then what?!?!?
Thank goodness we don’t find zombies soothing.
Don’t think these apes act alone.
Those sleep machines didn’t program themselves…or did they?
A robot recently unveiled in Japan can learn from past experiences.
It uses memory from previous tasks to learn for itself how to complete new ones.
With the help of the monkeys who knows what kind of world they could create?
It’s horrible to even imagine.
So tonight as you set your sleep aid device, take a moment and consider your options and ask yourself, “A world ruled by monkey’s or crickets…which future do I want?”
“To Fall Asleep Faster, Listen to Monkeys”: MSNBC
“Robot Learns from Experience”: MSNBC
Happy 100th Birthday Lucy!
For those not yet aware, a crazy Christian in California (just calling it what it is), has done the math for us and determined that tomorrow, May 21, 2011, will be the day of judgment.
For those currently freaking out about your final hours of life, take solace in the fact that tomorrow is merely the day of judgment. Which means if you don’t get raptured you get to enjoy a few more months of chaos and torture, until the world actually ends in October.
Cubs fans, it’ll be your average summer.
Just know that this man gives new meaning to the phrase “if at don’t you first succeed.” He has previously, and incorrectly, predicted the day of the rapture.
Anyone still freaking out about the impending doom? I can’t help you.
Lucky for you, your friends at the CDC, always want you to be prepared for anything.
That’s why in light of the approaching judgment they’ve posted important safety tips for one possible post-judgement day scenario: Zombie Apocalypse.
I know what you’re thinking. What possible safety steps could make a zombie apocalypse any better?
It’s not as hopeless as you may think. As with any catastrophe, the most important thing is to have a plan in place should the worst come to pass.
The CDC has a good start on that with their suggested survival kits and evacuation plan.
But there are a few missing details I’d like to add to their proposed zombie apocalypse survival kit:
Food and water- although it’s not that difficult to outrun a zombie, it’s still important to stay hydrated and without food it’s just a short skip and a jump to cannibalism, and then we’re no better than they are.
Change of clothes- because the only thing that could possibly make this worse is wearing the same thing you wore last Sunday.
Tool kit (preferably complete with hatchet)- it’s a zombie eat man world out there, and certain things just need to be done. I’d say bring a gun, but we all know that noise will only attract more of them.
Designated flunky- every zombie refugee camp has one. It’s a sad but necessary fact that someone has to trip and be swarmed by the zombie army in order for the greater good to survive.
Important Note: It’s best to be prepared for all possible scenarios. So just in case, it would be wise to include holy water, silver bullets (remember this is only for werewolves, no guns in case of zombies), garlic cloves, salt, stakes, and consecrated ground in your emergency kit.
Now that you have tools to protect yourself, Godspeed and good luck out there, and remember, only you can prevent global zombie domination.
“Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse”: CDC
“May 21, 2011: Judgment Day Rumors Spread Across The US”: Huffington Post
It’s been a tough month for anyone who plans their life around unreliable predictions.
First, horoscope addicts had their beliefs rattled by a shift in the stars.
Now it seems that the “End of Days” might be off too.
It seems that the conversion of the Mayan calendar to the Gregorian calendar is not as accurate as previously thought.
Yes, non-believers, some actual thought went into picking out the date on which the world might, possibly, maybe, sort of end.
It turns out that the original 2012 prediction might be off by a smidge. Assuming, of course, that you consider 50 to 100 years to be a smidge.
Good news, right?
Now we can go back to our daily lives confident in the fact that we have no idea when the world will end.
With the certainty of our imminent demise gone can things go back to normal? Will the world still turn now that it’s not ending?
Does this affect the accuracy of other scheduled apocalypses as well? Specifically, is the zombie apocalypse off as well?
And more importantly, can you get your deposit back for “End of the World as We Know It: Dooms Day Bash 2012″?
So many questions, to which we may never know the answers.
…although, your probably not getting your money back.
More on the Story: End of the World Rescheduled
…just for fun:
Another possibility for the world’s end?